What do you immediately think of when you hear the word “grief”? Likely, death. The death of a loved one is typically the most intense and traumatic form of grief we experience. With that being said, COVID-19 is currently a leading cause of death worldwide. Countless families are grieving loved ones who have died from this virus. Many couldn’t even be with them in their final days. Frontline healthcare workers are not only facing mass patient suffering and death, but they are also taking on the role of a family member. They are providing comfort, love and compassion to their dying patients. There are also people who are grieving a death that occurred prior to the pandemic. Due to this, the current climate of widespread illness and death can be triggering. This global pandemic has prompted devastating and life changing experiences that will inflict a great deal of pain on a person, resulting in a lifetime of grief.
However, any type of loss can cause grief. Losses can include the loss of a loved one, pregnancy, relationship, pet, job, or way of living. Grief is the natural reaction to loss. According to the CDC, some common responses to grief can be “shock, disbelief, denial, distress, anger, periods of sadness, and loss of sleep and appetite.” It can also manifest itself in ways such as trouble focusing on normal tasks or constant fatigue. But sometimes, grief doesn’t look like any of this, or it may be a combination of them. Grief is complex and different for everyone that experiences it.
Grief can happen in response to drastic alterations in our routines and daily life that provide us with a sense of stability. These would be considered primary losses. An example of a primary loss aside from death would be losing your job. This may result in other losses such as financial security, healthcare, independence, and a sense of future. These are referred to as secondary losses.
So maybe you had to come home early from your study abroad, or you couldn’t do that really cool internship you were looking forward to doing over the summer. Your first year of college is nothing like what you were expecting it to be like from all the movies (and honestly, college is nothing like the movies). Maybe your senior year is one that you have to picture will exclude all the last hurrahs you always thought you’d have. These are losses too. And it’s okay to grieve them. Even though you might naturally compare these losses to others and they might not appear to be as shattering and permanent as death or another monumental life change that has resulted from COVID-19, it is important to acknowledge them and care for the emotions that emerge as a result of them. Your experience is your own and any sized loss is a loss.
In the midst of all this loss and grief, we are experiencing it in isolation. Grief is isolating under normal circumstances, but physical separation from family, friends, colleagues, community centers, and grief groups will most certainly make grieving a whole lot lonelier. Nothing can “fix” or “get rid of” grief, but having someone be there with you and listen to you can help provide some sense of comfort and temporary relief. In spite of this barrier, we have come up with some pretty neat and creative ways to maintain human interaction. Both virtual and in person methods (with respect to social distancing of course) have been integral to coping with these major life changes and the distress that accompanies them. Who would have thought that Zoom would be the saviour of our emotional wellness!
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, the loss of normalcy, or the loss of connection, there are many resources that are available to help as you go through this. On campus, the University Counseling Center (UCC) provides an array of telemental health services that include individual counseling, group counseling, workshops, and more. Because the UCC utilizes a brief therapy model, they will make off-campus referrals in order to help connect you with a more long-term counseling relationship. The UCC offers a weekly grief support group for undergraduate and graduate students. If you are interested in joining, send a secure message to Arlene Arisme through the health portal at myhealth.binghamton.edu or call the UCC front desk at 607-777-2772.
In addition to counseling, there are online platforms that provide a sense of community around grief and loss (primarily for those who have lost a loved one). These platforms will take submissions of your expressions of grief or stories of your loved ones, post creative ideas for exploring your own loss, and relay resources, articles and advice. Some even organize online meetups, virtual sessions, and e-courses. All of these platforms provide unwavering support, create a safe space for you to share your own grief, and connect with those who “get it.” A few of my favorite accounts on Instagram are:
@modernloss
@lifedeathwhat
@refugeingrief
@sketchesfromthecave
@thegriefcase
These accounts have all integrated grief as a consequence of COVID-19 into their regular discussion.
This doesn’t appear to be ending anytime soon. As someone who grieves the death of my dad, I know firsthand that after a tremendous, life-altering loss, you don’t go back to “normal.” You have this new normal that you didn’t quite agree to or you didn’t get a say in, and you have to move forward with it.
Society as a whole really does not know how to handle the subject of death, grief, and loss. The irony is, this is something we all inevitably will have to face. It does not make sense as to why it is so stigmatized and why people are painfully uncomfortable speaking about it. Despite this, you are not alone, even if you may feel you are. There is this unsettling uncertainty about what is yet to come, and you are not expected to navigate it on your own.
About the Author: Dana Palermo
I joined REACH because I wanted to be part of something meaningful and bigger than myself that would enable me to make a difference in the lives of my peers. I am proud to be part of an organization that promotes a healthier and safer community through connecting with students and providing them credible information, reliable resources, and free supplies (e.g., cold/flu kits, safer sex kits and menstrual care products). I am passionate about helping cancer patients and I eventually want to have a career in oncology. This is my third year as a member of Binghamton University’s Relay For Life, and my second year serving as the Youth Mentorship Coordinator!
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