Did you know that 1 in 5 college students in the United States reports experiencing interpersonal violence (Rebojo, 2019)? With this being said, it is very likely that you or a friend will experience some form of dating violence or be involved in an unhealthy relationship by the time you are out of college. It is important that you recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship as well as understand what to do if your friend seeks advice on their relationship that they or you find may be unhealthy.
Every relationship is different and very complex. However, there are some common signs that have been associated with both healthy and unhealthy relationships.
10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Being with your significant other makes you feel comfortable and safe.
You feel you can fully trust in your partner.
You are able to be completely honest with your partner and feel you can fully express who you are.
There is independence in the relationship. It is okay to have similar friends and interests as your significant other as well as your own.
There is mutual respect.
Equality. You and your partner see and treat each other as equals.
Partners should naturally be kind to one another.
Fun! Time spent with your partner should be enjoyable and should never feel like a chore or a requirement.
Any conflicts are resolved in a healthy manner. For tips on how to resolve conflict, check out loveisrespect.org.
Each individual is able to take responsibility for their actions.
10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
A constant feeling of overwhelming intensity can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
If your partner tries to control where you go, who you see, and what you do then this can be a sign of unhealthy possessiveness. You should have the freedom to be yourself and make your own decisions.
You should not feel betrayed by your partner. One common example of betrayal is cheating.
Isolation. Time alone is always important but if your partner is constantly excluding you or forgetting about you then this may be a sign of something unhealthy. This can also be displayed if your significant other is preventing you from seeing friends and/or family.
You should not feel manipulated by your partner.
Sabotage. You should never feel as though your partner is setting you up for failure. Growth should be mutual and your partner should celebrate your achievements with you!
Guilting. You should not feel as though you are being forced to feel guilty because of something your partner did wrong. An example of this is your partner telling you “I only cheated because you didn't give me enough.” A common term that is associated with guilting behavior is gaslighting (Sweet, 2019). This is when one partner forces the other to question themselves and their own sanity by pushing the guilt onto them.
Volatility. All relationships go through phases and this may cause feelings to change but this is not something that should be happening constantly. If you feel like you are waking up everyday feeling differently about your relationship then this can be a red flag.
Belittling. You should never feel as though your partner is dismissing things that you find important. Everything you feel is important and you should be able to discuss feelings and situations thoroughly with your partner’s full attention.
Your partner should never deflect responsibility for their actions, especially when they are clearly in the wrong.
These signs can help you to better distinguish between healthy and unhealthy relationship habits. This can be an important first step to prevent getting deep into unhealthy relationships.
“I think I might be in an unhealthy relationship.”
It can be hard to separate yourself from an unhealthy relationship Luckily, there are many places that can help you overcome these tough situations:
On-Campus Resources at Binghamton University
Confidential Resources: These are resources not required to report cases to Title IX and the situation remains confidential between you and the resource unless something is shared that poses an imminent threat to you or someone else.
University Counseling Center (UCC): 607-777-2772
Decker Student Health Services Center: 607-777-2221
Harpur's Ferry: 607-777-3333 (for emergencies), 607-777-3399 (station)
University Ombudsman: 607-777-2388
Binghamton University Interfaith Council (BUIC): 607-777-3470
Campus Ministry
Crime Victims Assistance Center (CVAC): 607-723-3200
Employee Assistance Program: 607-777-6650
Private Resources: These resources are private but the situations discussed are reported to Title IX and further actions may be taken.
Title IX Coordinator: 607-777-2486
Interpersonal Violence Prevention: 607-777-2804
CARE Team: 607-777-2804
Dean of Students Office (DOS): 607-777-2804
New York State University Police: 607-777-2393 (non-emergency)
Office of Student Conduct: 607-777-6210
Residential Life: 607-777-2321
Off-Campus Resources / Hotlines:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233)
Crime Victim Assistance Center (607 722- 4256)
Rainn National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673)
“I think my friend may be in an unhealthy relationship.”
Sometimes talking to your friends through relationship challenges can be extremely hard. Here are some tips to keep in mind when helping someone who is struggling with interpersonal violence.
Keep a positive attitude. They likely are going through a lot mentally and emotionally so you do not want to add any negativity to the situation.
Let the audience do the talking. They are likely coming to you in need of getting things off of their mind so your best support may be to just listen.
Provide the resources known. Although you can act as a great friend and mediator, they may need additional support from a professional. When you begin to feel that you are no longer able to offer help, share the resources listed above.
You don’t have to be perfect. Just being there for your friend providing an empathetic ear and stability can make a huge difference!
References
“Conflict Resolution.” Love Is Respect, 1 Oct. 2020. www.loveisrespect.org/resources/conflict-resolution/.
“National Domestic Violence Hotline.” The Hotline, 2 Nov. 2020, www.thehotline.org/.
Rebojo, Vissuelo. What You Need to Know About Domestic Violence on College Campuses, Charles R. Ullman & Associates, 13 Aug. 2019, www.charlesullman.com/nc-family-law-resources/resources-for-domestic-violence-for-students/domestic-violence-colleges-universities.
Sweet, Paige L. “The Sociology of Gaslighting.” American Sociological Review, vol. 84, no. 5, 2019, pp. 851–875., doi:10.1177/0003122419874843.
“The One Love Blog.” One Love Foundation, 28 Oct. 2020, www.joinonelove.org/learn.
About the Author: Jackson Bright
Jackson is a sophomore Neuroscience major on the premed track. He aspires to attend medical school after undergrad and hopes to one day work in pediatrics. He joined REACH because he is passionate about spreading awareness on various health topics that pertain to college students in particular. He is on the Track and Field team at Binghamton University and some of his hobbies include running, playing basketball, and playing video games with his friends.
Hozzászólások